Father's Day is in a few hours and my heart breaks for my husband for the 4th year in a row. Our oldest should have turned 3, 2 weeks ago and we should have a 2 year old and 1 year old twins. I KNOW his heart is as broken as mine and his arms are as empty as mine. He wanted and loved our 4 children beyond words. He spent 2&1/2 years in depression because he missed our kids so much.
He has been much better this year and is much happier (until he lost his job a few weeks a go). I on the other hand am so focused on the kids we lost and the kids we will never have. I feel so bad because it is making him feel like he isn't enough for me. Like I only want him so he can give me kids. Its not true but it's so hard to let the thought of kids go, especially since all I have ever wanted was to be a Mommy since I was 4.
WHY ISN'T HE ENOUGH FOR ME???? WHY DO ALL I WANT IS KIDS WHEN I HAVE AN AMAZING HUSBAND RIGHT BY MY SIDE???? HOW CAN I GET RID OF THE ACHING IN MY ARMS AND HEART AND JUST BE HAPPY WITH HIM???? IT'S NOT FAIR TO ME AND IT DEFINITELY IS NOT FAIR TO MY HUSBAND!!!
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