It is with broken heart that I write about my decision that I will no longer pursue getting my septate uterus fixed. I can't believe I am letting go of the ONLY way I will be able to have biological children. I have been wanting, waiting and aching to hold my own child for DECADES and this surgery is my one chance. But alas, Bear lost his job and our insurance and I will be too old if he ever got major insurance again. Having children has literally been my life long dream. That is all I have ever wanted.
That is not possible anymore, so I have to accept it. I must find new dreams, a new purpose. I must come to realize that being a mother is not the only thing in life, that there are other important things I should be doing with my life. Being a mother does not define who I am. Besides, being a woman I was inateley created to nurture, care for and love all those around me, biologically related to me or not. There are many things I can do to fulfill my nurturing needs and do good in this life. These will be my new dreams, my new wishes, my new purpose, my new direction in life.
I know there will be hard moments where I will be devastated, sad, lonely and even mad as I transition from one life long dream to another. It won't be easy to give up the first life and it won't be easy to accept the new one. I just have to true to who I really am and what really defines me.
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