I Would Die For That

As soon as I found I was pregnant with Monkey and Cub, I had a strong feeling I was going to lose them as well (no matter how hard I tried to fight that feeling).  As I was frantic over losing all of my kids, I came across a BEAUTIFUL infertility song on YouTube that describes EXACTLY how I feel.  It is called I Would Die For That by Kellie Coffey.  Here are the lyrics (BEWARE: DO NOT view the music video if pregnancies are a trigger for you.  PLEASE DO THOUGH listen to the song)

I WOULD DIE FOR THAT                                                                                                              Jenny was my best friend.

Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

'Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die
I would die for that.

It hurts parents who have lost children or who can't have children when we see others abusing, taking advantage and not appreciating the priceless gift of children they have.  Even simple things like parents being SOOOO EXCITED when their children have their first day back to school from summer or Christmas break.  Us loss/infertility parents would DIE to have a chance to have a child in their lives every moment.  We would hold on to them as tight and as long as we could.  We certainly wouldn't be celebrating being away from them 9 hours a day.  

Not only does Loss/Infertility make a HUGE impact on your emotions, it can do quite a bit of damage on your marriage.  Biblically speaking, marriage is about a man and a woman joining together to have children.  When you can't have children to grow your family, you feel like a failure, especially when it is discovered you are the one that has the problem. No matter what people say or do, there is always a tiny part of you that KNOWS it is your fault (which is a HUGE lie).  

Luckily, all is not completely lost.  If we are able and have an open heart to grow our families in other ways, we do have options.  Just as there are parents who are ACHING to have children, their are children ACHING to have a family through fostering and adoption.  Also there are quite a few fertility options to help us grow our families.