They Grow In Our Hearts

So why did I name this blog They Grow In Our Hearts?????  Why don't you read a little bit about my story and I think you will find out (I'll give my reason at the end).  My name is Jewel.  My husband, Bear, and I have been married for almost 4 1/2 years.  We met on a dating site and married exactly 6  month later.  I'm from the west coast and Bear is from the mid-west.  I moved to the mid-west when we got married and I have loved every moment living here.  

Bear and I are parents to 4 children that live in our hearts but not in our arms.  Our oldest is Little Man who was born-still at 24weeks in February 2014.  Our daughter, Rain is next.  I miscarried her at 6weeks in May 2014 (exactly 3 1/2 months after Little Man was born-still).  We then lost twins, Monkey and Cub, in August 2015  at 8weeks.  Bear and I love, think about and miss our 4 Angels every moment of every day.  Even though they were in our lives for only a moment, they have changed them forever.

Bear and I have both been wanting to be parents since we were about 4 years old.  I remember all through my childhood, being a mother was ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE!!!!  I never really wanted to go to collage (beyond an Associates Degree).  I never wanted a career.  I just wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom!!!!!  My favorite toys growing up were dolls.  I had well over 100 dolls throughout my childhood.  I played with them every moment of my spare time.  I also probably played with them for a much longer time period then other girls.  I also babysat several days a weeks for many years.  I was known at my church as The Babysitter.  I dreamed about, thought about, longed for, wished for, prepared for,  prayed for and ACHED to be a mother.  

Losing our 4 children was devastating.  We wanted them more then anything.  Our lives, hearts and arms felt so empty.  After we lost the twins, we finally found out the reason we lost them.  That knowledge though, brought on even more pain, because with that diagnosis, we found out that my body would never be able to carry a child to a viable age.  Kendall and I will never be able to see our life long dream of becoming biological parents come true.  Our hearts are devastated that we will never be able to have the children we dreamed of having.

Which brings us to fostering (and hopefully adoption in the near future)!!!!  After 3 years of losing Little Man, Bear and I are both in a place in our healing to grow our family in other ways.  We have a desire to help and love other children and families.  We believe fostering and adoption will further heal our empty arms and hearts.  We are both SO EXCITED to be getting ready to have children in our home (and lives).  I know fostering will be really hard.  It will be heartbreaking to let these children go.  I know though, that there will be INNUMERABLE blessings that come from helping these children.  

Back to my original question, why did I name this blog They Grow In Our Hearts????  Well, we have 4 children that grew in my body but never made it to grow in our arms.  We have biological children that we still want to have but will never grow in my body or grow in our arms.  Now we will have children in our lives that did not grow in my body but will grow in our arms.  No matter how these children are in our lives, whether through pregnancy loss, aching for children that will never come or through fostering and adoption, THEY ALL GROW IN OUR HEARTS!!!!!