It was 2 months ago today that Bear asked me to pick him up from work at 11:30 and let me know he had been fired. Long story short, it was not Bear's fault. His boss just had unrealistic goals and time lines for projects. With each day, I felt like I was drowning. The stress and worry about what we were going to do and where we were going was oppressive. The constant stress and worry made Bears depression sky rocket. It was just as bad as it was after we lost Little Man and Rain and then again when we lost Monkey and Cub. We didn't sleep! I can count on one hand how many times we got to bed before 4AM (if we went to bed at all). Bear slept on the couch every night. He didn't think he was good or worthy enough to sleep in our bed. I could go on and on about how this was just another of the many hells we have lived through since we got married almost 5 years ago.
Yesterday, we finally found solid ground again. We moved in with my in-laws and even in just the few hours we've been here, I have peace once more. The closer I got to my in-laws place, the more relief I felt and I couldn't get here fast enough. I LOVE my in-laws. I LOVE the feelings that are in their home. They, and their home are a refuge from the storms life throws my way. I am so blessed to have them in my life and that we have this safe place to rest until we can get back on our feet.
As I look back on these past 2 months, it caused me to see a little bit of the good at not having living children OR that I ended up not having the surgery. Having a larger family or having to pay for the surgery would have put much more stress on Bears and his depression much worse. Not having living children made moving much faster and easier. We didn't have to pack anything extra that we didn't need. Being just the 2 of us made it much easier for my in-laws to accommodate our extended stay. Also, when we get back on our feet, it will be easier for us to go when and where we have or want to go.
Having no living children also allowed us to focus on and spend time with just each other. We became closer as a couple and strengthened who we are individually and who we are together. I'm blessed to have Bear as my partner.
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