Tate

Today I was planning on being sad!!!  Today was the day I was going to have surgery to fix my septate uterus but life got in the way and chased away any hope of it ever happening.  I was planning on being down in the dumps, so focused on what I wanted above everything for my entire life and not being able to have it.  Instead I got to reconnect with a very dear cousin and help her feel better about her own Losses.

My cousin, Tate, had a difficult life.  She had a younger sister (just 11 months younger then her) who had SEVERE mental and physical disabilities that needed 24 hour care.  Tate was lost with everyones focus on her little sister.  She had a hard time coping and developed unique quirks that kept her isolated from those around her.  I visited Tate and my other extended family every summer until I had to stop to take care of my elderly grandparents and then I got married.  I lost track of her and many of my extended family over the years, but today I was able to reconnect with Tate and had the most wonderful discussion.  I felt bad for Tate and her family when I heard that her sister passed away last year.

One year ago today, she lost her 3 month-old daughter Flutterbye due to a chromosome abnormality.  Tate had her FB wall blasted with pictures and messages of Flutterby.  Flutterby was BEAUTIFUL!!!  I noticed another cousin posted pictures and a message for Flutterby and tagged Tate  I immediately commented on the post and sent her a friend request.   Tate accepted the friend request and then send me a message that she was so happy to get my request.  She has been wanting to befriend me for a long time but she was afraid that I wouldn't remember her (so funny because I was afraid she wouldn't remember me).  We spent the next hour talking about our Angels (besides Flutterby, she has had 2 miscarriages) and how much we love and miss them.  We talked about things that only other Loss parents would understand.

We also talked about how our husbands have handled the Losses.  We agreed that Loss Daddies are DEFINITELY more forgotten then Loss  Mamas.  They lost their children too, but because society forces them to act tough , they can't show the hurt, anger, sadness etc.  I suggested to Tate to get stuffed animals for her babies so her husband and her can cuddle them when they need to feel their children close.  She told me she snuggles with the blanket Flutterby had at the hospital when she is sad.

Tate had to get off and get dinner for her husband then, but she promises to keep in contact.  I sure hope so.  It was so wonderful talking with her!!!  It was exactly what we BOTH needed for today.  We both needed someone to talk to who understood about losing children and not having any living ones in our arms.  We both needed someone who we already had a bond with but didn't know our past histories.  Someone we could start fresh with and someone we didn't have to pretend or hide for.

My thoughts, prayers and hugs go out to my dear cousin, her husband, her 3 Angels and her Angel sister.