The Hospital

Three years ago today, Bear and I had slept in because we hadn't slept well the night before.  At 10 o'clock, we got a call from my midwife telling us her colleague wanted us at the hospital by noon.  Bear and I quickly packed and called all the family to let them know we were going in.  We left the house at 11 o'clock and it was just starting to flurry.  By the time we got on the interstate, the snow was beginning to stick to the road.  Within 20 minutes the snow was coming down hard and fast.  Visibility was down to around 20 feet and accidents were occurring all around us.  We ourselves almost got into several accidents.  The drive was slow and nerve wreaking.  It usually would have taken us 45 minutes to an hour to get to that hospital but it took us 2 hours and 45 minutes.

We arrived at the hospital at 1:45 PM.  I remember stepping out of the car and begging Heavenly Father to please not make us do this, to PLEASE just give us Little Man back.  I didn't want to be there, to do what we were there to do.  I wanted to run as far away as I could away from this living nightmare.  I was about to run when Bear took my hand and led me to the entrance.   We walked into the hospital hand in hand.  Knowing that Kendall was beside me gave me the courage to walk in with my head held high and to be brave through the coming minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years.

The front desk was closed but we were told to go right up to the maternity floor (I think it was the 4th floor??).  We get to the nurses desk and get signed in.  I was still in shock and fear.  They led us through the halls where we heard crying newborn babies.  I wanted to run again.  I wanted more than anything to be able to hear Little Man cry.  We were led to a room at the end of the hallway, away from the other mothers and babies.  The room was large and had beautiful wood-like flooring.  There was the bed and a couch and several chairs.  There was plenty of room to walk around.

After I got settled and the nurses left, Bear and I spent time looking out the window watching the blizzard outside.  We talked some (I don't remember what we talked about but I  do remember laughing).  Neither one of us had cried yet (at lest in front of each other) and we still acted like we were ok.

Bear's sister and her new husband (they had only been married for 3 weeks) came over for a visit.  Bear's parents and other sister and my sister were also trying to come but the blizzard was making it near impossible to leave.  Bear's mother, sister and my sister were finally able to arrive the following day due to the service of friends and miracles from heaven.